Lasting love... Be & Stay Curious by Willemijn Laan
Always wondered what you can do to have lasting love? Of course, this has many factors, but there is something crucial to be aware of when you are interested in having a deep and conscious connection with someone. Something that is super obvious in the beginning of relationships (and friendships alike) often fades away after a while into the relationship: being curious.
We often assume we know our partners or friends. But assuming you know everything about them can make your connection become boring and not so interesting. It’s also kind of insulting if I may say so. To assume you know everything about someone. Because no one stays the same all the time, over years of being in a relationship with someone, dreams come and go, emotions change, we also grow mentally over time. Things happen and things change. Also, the way our partners look at the world around them. And maybe even the way they look at how they want your relationship to be.
Fortunately, the way to go into this topic within your relationships is simple:
It’s to stay curious!
Be genuinely curious about your partner. Recognize that just like you, they’re growing and changing all the time too. That their answer to a question today may not be the same tomorrow. Approach them with fresh eyes and a sense of newness and discovery. Let yourself be surprised by them.
Open to the possibility that there’s still more to learn and deeper to go. That there is no moment where you can say; I know everything that there is to know about you.
That’s when your connection can grow into something deep.
Curiosity comes with asking better questions than the regular ‘how was your day?’. This can be a little bit of a challenge, because what to ask instead?
You could regularly check in with the people around you about their personal goals. You can ask them what they’re struggling with right now or even find out if chocolate is still their favorite treat. Or maybe ask if someone made them smile that day and why? This is also a fun thing to do with kids, I often ask mine if their teacher did something crazy that day that made them laugh. Giving them something fun to share about their school day, which normally they are not so interested in sharing.
Essentially, you want to find questions that show the people you love you’re interested in deeply knowing them. It will make things more exciting and fun while you’re learning something new.
The intention is to keep sharing things you think and feel with each other. Also, make an effort to share your internal world in your relationships and watch your connection deepen. Start with taking the time to get into a habit of finding questions that you really are interested in hearing the answer to. After a while of practicing this will become a natural thing to do.
And it actually works two ways. To me, it’s also fun and good food for thought when someone wants to genuinely know something about me. It can even help me to learn something new about myself too.
Curious to hear how this goes for you!